Manifesting My Dom

I want to love you wildly. I don’t want words, but inarticulate cries, meaningless, from the bottom of my most primitive being, that flow from my belly like honey. A piercing joy, that leaves me empty, conquered, silenced.

~Anais Nin

NOTE: This post is long and detailed with more information than most of you will care to read. It’s best if you just go on about your day. Unless you’re a hot, single Dom with a twitchy palm, a love of bondage and a sensual tender side, then by all means, keep reading!

I’ve been reading a great deal lately about “manifesting” your own reality. This is the concept that we create our future through our thoughts, actions and intentions.

Two years ago I would say this was bullshit, but it happened to me with my first Dom. I didn’t mean to conjure him up, but by God, I did.

I was writing my first erotic novella. The main character was a sensual Dom who was nurturing, protective, yet quite wicked. He had an accent, blue eyes and a love of bondage. Before I could even finish the novella, Sir James, a Dom with all of those qualities and more, showed up. I used to tell him that all the time. “It’s like I conjured you up.”

James is gone now and my heart has a hole the size of the Grand Canyon where he used to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever find a love like his again. It sure doesn’t feel like it right now. Still, I have to at least try to find happiness, don’t I?

If conjuring a Dom from my own words worked once, maybe it will work again.

So here is my effort at manifesting my Dom. Do you hear me, God, Universe, Karma, Cupid? This is what I want.

The Basics

Single or divorced. Monogamous and faithful. I don’t mind if he has children. Honestly, that would be a bonus for me since I never had any of my own.

Non-violent (kink doesn’t count), in control of himself and kind to furry animals. Stable in his emotions and finances.

man licking lips

Physical

Must-Have

I’m pretty flexible here, with few exceptions. I like tall men. If you read my blog post, My First Time, you’ll notice that I have an affinity for contrast when it comes to couples. I want my man to tower over me. That shouldn’t be too hard since I’m only 5 feet tall.

My other must-have is someone that cares for their appearance and their health. That means they eat right, exercise, are well-groomed and have excellent hygiene. I don’t want him to be obsessed with his looks; I find that unattractive and shallow, especially in a man, but he needs to take some pride in how he looks. No pretty boys, though, I want a man with some ruggedness to him.

My Dream Dom must carry himself with calm, dominant confidence. This is not to be confused with arrogance or cockiness. This dominance must be tempered with tenderness, gentleness and compassion.

He can be black, white, blonde, bearded, bald. It really doesn’t matter.

Want

Well-defined muscles, particularly biceps and abs. I don’t know why that turns me on so much, but it does. Oh, and a nice ass. Yum.

Another major turn-on is if he’s a martial artist/boxer or athlete. I have been all of those things myself, so it really excites me when a man has that much physicality to him. Men who are sporty like that tend to be good in bed. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it! 😉





ryanreynolds

Emotional

This is hugely important. I’m driven by my emotions. Though my man doesn’t have to match how I express my emotions, he needs to have a heart and be able to express and articulate his feelings, at least with me.

He must be passionate about his love for me and about something else, whether it be his work, a cause, his family or a hobby. My man will tell me how much he loves me often, and better yet, he will show me. I am extremely loving myself so that would be a good match.

It’s imperative that he guards my emotions and doesn’t play with them. No emotional sadists for me.

hair pulling

Psychological

Trust is a biggie for me, especially these days when it has taken quite a beating. I want a man with good mental health who is honest and open about who he is and what he wants.

It’s also helpful for a Dom to understand psychology and be able to manipulate it during and after play. Emotional intelligence is a beautiful thing.

Michael Fassbender

Intellectual

I love smart, literate men. Sex begins in the brain, after all, so we better make that brain as big and powerful and creative as possible.

I need a man who is well-read and can lose himself in a book. Oh, and I really need him to know how to spell and use proper grammar. At least most of the time. Pretty please! The writer in me just can’t handle it.

hotguyreading

Creative

I believe that my creativity is a great asset as a human being and as a lover. My man must possess creative qualities and a wicked imagination.

Extra points if he’s involved in the arts in some way: painter, photographer, dancer, writer, musician.

Can you imagine what it’s like to be with a man that can paint like this? Serge Marshennikov, I’m looking at you!

sergeipainting

Spiritual

Another big one for me. Whether he belongs to a major religious group or not, I want him to have a sense of the Divine. I want my man to know there is something out there greater than himself, something beautiful and powerful.

He will extend this sense of the transcendent into our D/s relationship, embracing the fact that it is a deep spiritual connection and it is sacred, even if the things we do to each other are a bit profane.

It would be fabulous if he could be a wild-child Christian like I am. I’ve never had that in a relationship. Ever. I would love to go to my crazy, liberal church with a man who wants to be there for his own spiritual growth, not a man who is just there because he thinks it will make me happy.

His Dominant Style

Unless this is the first blog post of mine you’ve read, you’ll know that I’m a sub and I need my man to be a Dom. Period.

My Dom should have two sides to his nature: one, a bit sadistic and controlling, the other tender and sensual. That’s the best combination, isn’t it? Yes, I’m all about having the best of two worlds.deep submission

Here’s another thing. I’m very submissive. My first Dom said I was more submissive than most and I believe that’s true. Therefore, I want my Dom to be very Dominant. I may even want to experiment with being a slave. I just find so much joy in pleasing a Dom. It consumes me, really. Nothing else matters than his pleasure.

What is he into? Well, here’s my list: kissing, seduction, bondage, discipline, spanking, flogging, role playing… did I mention bondage?

bondage

Miscellaneous

No more long-distance relationships. That’s too painful and difficult to manage. He will live in my neck of the woods or be willing to move here. Unless he lives in Hawaii and I’ll promptly pack my bags!

I would prefer a man that is five years younger or five years older than me. My first Dom was four years younger and that dynamic worked quite well.

I love men with foreign accents. I don’t know why, but it’s been like that since day one for me. I get such a thrill from hearing my name spoken in an accent different than my own. Of course, this is not a must-have, but damn…

I like heroic types. I have serious heroic tendencies myself, so it’s nice to find a kindred spirit. That doesn’t mean he has to be a firefighter or a soldier, it means that he puts himself out there to help others who can’t help themselves.

soldiersavingcat

I would prefer for him to be wealthy so that I wouldn’t have to work a regular job. My goal is to just concentrate on my writing. Wealth would be icing on the cake. Isn’t it too bad that all Doms aren’t billionaires? I mean, where’s my Charlie Tango? Hehehe.

Before you think I’m a gold-digger, you need to realize that I make a high salary myself. Most men aren’t secure enough to have their women make more money than they make, but odds are that I do make way more money than they do. If they’re wealthy, that problem goes away. I grew up wealthy and it sure did make life easier.

And there you go, that’s what I want. Feel free to add anything in your comments that you think I may have missed!