When you broke up with me, you did it with such love and sadness. Your last words–which sent me into a fit of sobs–were:
“I love you my darling so so so very much. I do not have the words.”
Well, apparently, I’m full of them. In fact, they won’t stop coming. I can’t stop trying to contact you, I can’t stop hoping you’ll change your mind.
Seriously, where is my pride? Have I completely lost all my dignity?
Today I took the first step towards letting go of you. After half a dozen unanswered messages, I said goodbye.
Goodbye, Sir James, my first Dom.
Goodbye, James, love of my life.
Goodbye, dreams for a happy ending.
With no word from you, I can only assume that I’ve become quite a nuisance. So I’m trying hard to stop pleading, explaining, professing and asking. But I swear, the minute I pressed SEND on that text, my chest caved in. I couldn’t breathe and I ran to the bathroom to cry. It was as if a part of me had been ripped out. Within minutes, it was too much to bear.
I can’t believe this is happening to us! I can’t believe I won’t be able to call you, Sir or My Love anymore. I’ll never hear you call me MDS (My Darling Sub) or My Love again.
We made plans, James. Wonderful plans.
You’re the only one that knows all my secrets, all my hidden wounds.
What am I supposed to do now that you’ve abandoned me?
Oh, that’s right, you do not have the words.
This image by Juan Osborne is based on a picture from Michael Ezra.